i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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