i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
