we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
