you guys were way drunker than both of me
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
