phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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