thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
