I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
