I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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