How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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