i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
