Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
