Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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