Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
