first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
