when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
