that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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