you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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