I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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