Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Is it because I queefed?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
