What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
