And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize