I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Randomize
