The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
