Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
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maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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