kristin has been a bad kristin
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
