Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life

(541): View more from Oregon

Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard

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(313): View more from Michigan

remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall

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(708): View more from Illinois

This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram

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(256): View more from Alabama

hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by

(256): View more from Alabama

he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you

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(314): View more from Missouri

He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".

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(423): View more from Tennessee

You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.

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