it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
