don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
