I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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