sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
