I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Still dying that you shit outside
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
