whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
