Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
