and you said cock pushups were impossible
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
