wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I need to calm my uterus...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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