Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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