i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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