I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
