you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
