You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
