she woke up with a sticky ear
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize