apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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