she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
