look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I need water and some morals
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
