I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
