Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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