honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
