dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
