Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
