I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
