Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
