Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
