i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
