aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
so much tequila, so little girl.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
