going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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