I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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