i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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