What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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