Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
