I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
