my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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