went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
