i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
