why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
