spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
