you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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