Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
