let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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