Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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