My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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