Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
