would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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