He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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