I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
FUCK WHALES
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
