I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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