I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
