I hate your face
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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