She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
