Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
