She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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