i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
