it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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