when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize